Okay, I just can’t stand it any more, with all those lies circulating out there about me. Here’s the truth of the matter:
1) A poor black child? Really? Well, umm, no.
2) Most Likely to Succeed? No way! Not with my mediocre grades. I was, however, voted Most Artistic, along with Gary Rabinowitz, who went on to earn his MFA, while I, well…anyway…
3) Now, really, if we were in the Witness Protection Program, I sure wouldn’t broadcast that—and I would never admit whether it’s true or false. Of course, if I posted someone else's self-portrait and avatar, who would know?—what a great subterfuge...that'd really throw the bad guys off...
4) I was 5’ 8” until the disks between some of my vertebra turned to beef jerky. And I probably wore a size 5 when I was 5. I mean did you get a look at the feet in my self-portrait? Okay, 8½ to 9 isn’t that big.
5) Pratt Institute? In my dreams!
6) Dating the sailboat racer guy… I’m glad that didn’t seem so farfetched, but, alas, it was pure fabrication. I thought I might get away with it because my novel has a nautical theme.
7) My family is simply too under-motivated to do the whole genealogy research thing, but the story handed down is that my great-great grandfather Peter was Swedish royalty (I downplayed him as nobility because it’s unverified, as yet) who fell in love with a commoner. Consequently, they fled to America and settled in Iowa.