The Fact of the Matter Is…

Okay, I just can’t stand it any more, with all those lies circulating out there about me. Here’s the truth of the matter:

1) A poor black child? Really? Well, umm, no.
2) Most Likely to Succeed? No way! Not with my mediocre grades. I was, however, voted Most Artistic, along with Gary Rabinowitz, who went on to earn his MFA, while I, well…anyway…
3) Now, really, if we were in the Witness Protection Program, I sure wouldn’t broadcast that—and I would never admit whether it’s true or false. Of course, if I posted someone else's self-portrait and avatar, who would know?—what a great subterfuge...that'd really throw the bad guys off...
4) I was 5’ 8” until the disks between some of my vertebra turned to beef jerky. And I probably wore a size 5 when I was 5. I mean did you get a look at the feet in my self-portrait? Okay, 8½ to 9 isn’t that big.
5) Pratt Institute? In my dreams!
6) Dating the sailboat racer guy… I’m glad that didn’t seem so farfetched, but, alas, it was pure fabrication. I thought I might get away with it because my novel has a nautical theme.
7) My family is simply too under-motivated to do the whole genealogy research thing, but the story handed down is that my great-great grandfather Peter was Swedish royalty (I downplayed him as nobility because it’s unverified, as yet) who fell in love with a commoner. Consequently, they fled to America and settled in Iowa.

Fictitious:

Deb, at Ranch Girl Ramblings, gave me this Award, but it’s more like a challenge. I’m supposed to be creative, and come up with at least 6 outrageous lies about myself, and at least one outrageous truth. If you’re looking for some highly creative embellishments, you’ll want to check out Deb’s, Bane’s, Julie's, Simon’s, Tricia’s lists, because, to be quite honest, I stink at this. I’m a terrible liar—I can’t even concoct an alibi or employ the simplest subterfuge when I try to surprise my husband for our anniversary. Nevertheless, so as not to run the risk of appearing like an ingrate, I’ll play along.

For the sake of respecting the award, here are The Rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you.
4. Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself and at least one outrageous truth.
5. Nominate 7 creative writers who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

Here’s my pathetic attempt to lead you astray…

1) I was born a poor black child
2) I was voted most likely to succeed in my graduating class
3) My husband and I are in the witness protection program
4) I’m 5’ 8’’ and wear a size 5 shoe
5) I attended Pratt Institute on a full scholarship
6) I once dated a guy who went on to win the Americas Cup sailing race in 1985
7) I’m a descendant of Swedish nobility.

I’m passing it on to*:

1. Mary Jo Rhodes or Matilda Mc Cloud—who is she really?
2. Tricia O'Brien, at Talespinning because she’s so creative
3. Laura Martone, even though she has absolutely no time for it*, and I miss her
4. Rick Daley, cause he makes me laugh
5. Sharon, as Musings of a Mercurical Woman, because she's relatively new to my blog
6. Bane of Anubis, because he needs another award
7. Glenn, at Serindipitous Surpluses, because this list wouldn’t be complete without him

*Yes I know half these bloggers already have the award! And of course, you’re under no obligation…you know the drill…

This is a good time to also post another award from my generous benefactor Deb: the Butterfly award. I think that all I have to do is pass it onto someone else. So it goes to Simon C. Larter, cause he loves getting so many awards, (yes I know he has this one also) and actually, he writes some really good stuff…

Happy—If I Must

I just received an auspicious award from Deb, at Ranch Girl Ramblings—auspicious, because Deb knows I’m in a slump, and hey, it’s always good to force oneself to think happy thoughts. Therefore, I scraped together 10 things that make me happy:
1) Dark chocolate along with a glass of pinot noir
2) Warm weather
3) A hot Toddie on a cold winter night
4) Actually feeling the alteration in my brain chemistry when I’m creative
5) Discovering new music
6) I can’t wipe the smile off my face everytime I hear the song Start Wearing Purple
7) Friday nights with a hot Toddie
8) Tossing pizzas with a hot Toddie
9) Sailing
10) Pretty much anything with a hot Toddie

According to the rules, I must pass the award to another ten worthy bloggers*, so here they are…

1) Scott Daniel at 275 Words (because you set precedence by accepting an other award)
2) Bane of Anubis at Bane's Blogging Blues, even though I know he already got one
3) Liza Carens Salerno at Middle Passages
4) Back at Deb at Ranch Girl Ramblings (because I can, and there are no bloggy police)
5) Julie Doa at Silver Lining
6) Tricia O’Brien at Talespinning
7) Michelle at The Innocent Flower, because I miss her
8) The ever so insightful, Susan Mills at A Walk in My Shoes
9) Mary Jo Rhodes at her other name blog, Matilda Mcloud
10) Laura Martone at Getting Hollow Souls Out There while hanging out in the Keys

*as usual, I absolve all recipients of any obligation to follow the rules.

The Begining of The End

It is true that some of my paintings have won awards. This one, Bowl of Cherries (as a writer you would think I could come up with a more imaginative name), won a Best of Show award. I was allowed to glance at the little notation, written by one of the judges. I wanted to stand there and memorize it, line by line, but I hated to appear self-absorbed; all I remember was “technically precise”, and it is that.

In that same show, I also entered this imaginatively titled work, Lauren Sketching. She took the Peoples’ Choice award. In all honestly, though, I think the poll was rigged. Lauren is a friend of mine with a very large extended family, and I wouldn’t put it past some of them to stuff the ballot box. But, who am I to argue with the numbers? Besides, the prize was something like $50.00, enough to keep me in paint and paper for a year.

Before you get all impressed, I should tell you that it was only a county fair. Yes, it's true that the art show was separated from the pie contest, veggies exhibits and cow stalls, but the blue ribbons did look exactly alike… Okay, in all fairness, and out of respect for fellow entrants and administrators, I should emphasize that there were some very accomplished artists, in fact the show had an amateur and professional division. I entered the amateur division for years (in my opinion, I did not meet the 'professional' criteria: sells or teaches art). The last year, before we moved, the administrators 'forced' me to enter under professional.

The hardest part of those shows was claiming the awards, and retrieving my paintings. That could be done only within a brief window of time, during which all the other artists milled about.

When no one was looking, I removed my paintings, hoping to claim my money-laden envelopes and flee.

“Oh, J.B. Chicoine…” that’s how I sign everything, but my name, Bridget, was right on the entry form in front of the woman at the claim station, announcing my presence. I cringed at how pretentious J.B. sounded, and suddenly I had an audience asking me questions.

“How did you get that texture on her jeans?”, and “I would just love to stand over your shoulder and watch you paint...”

‘Really?’ I thought, ''cause I’d rather be stripped naked and chased down Main Street by an angry mob, than have someone watch me paint.’ I smiled and said nice things back, amazed that they actually thought I was an artist.

Oh, what the heck, just call yourself an artist for Pete’s sake. So, I did. Thus ended possibly the most prolific painting spree of my life. I think I started and finished nearly 10 painting in a year’s time, most of them in a span of weeks.

Now, when I pass a favorite, hanging on the wall, I pause and wonder? Did I actually paint that?

I wonder if I can ever paint that good again.

An Award

Laura Martone, from Laura’s Simple Pleasures just nominated me for this award; an award for which I just recently nominated her.
I understand there are rules and niceties involved here, which are as follows:

The rules are:
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award. Thank you Laura!
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog. It’s in the left hand pane
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award. Laura
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting. See below, if you think they might be interesting
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers. I cheated, if you’re interested in knowing why, go here
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate. (Or the 4)
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated. I didn’t do this right the first time around, I just e-mailed them—see how poorly rules and I get along…

That said, since I was kindly nominated for said award on my writing blog, and because I had difficulty fulfilling the aforementioned and sometimes veer toward deviance, I am simply relisting the aforementioned lists on my aforementioned blog, while waiting for the blogging etiquette police.

Here they are: well, 4 of them...
Laura's Simple Pleasures
A Walk In My Shoes
Weronika's Novel-in-Progress
Elana Johnson, Author

7 Things about me that may or may not be interesting…
1) This one’s easy, because there’s a link on my blog—I’m a watercolorist.
2) This one’s also easy because there’s an additional link on my blog—I’m a watercolorist who hasn’t finished a painting in over a year.
3) I’m relatively new to blogging. The first time I entered a comment on some forum, (back in March) I freaked out and couldn’t sleep until I deleted pretty much everything in my profile.
4) When people meet me for the first time, they think I’m gregarious and funny. They don’t realize that I simply get over-stimulated in social situations and then need a great big nap afterward.
5) My husband and I have moved quite a number of times. People think we have wanderlust or that we’re running away from something. The truth is, we’ve simply been left unsupervised for too long.
6) I had a nightmare once, where ‘They’ told my husband and I, “We’re sorry…It’s been brought to our attention that you have exceeded the ‘Lifetime Quota for Marital Bliss’. The two of you must separate immediately!” NOOOooooo!!!!
7) I used up all my best material writing this list.